This week, I am reviewing Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten by Joseph Slate and Ashley Wolff. Miss Bindergarten is a timeless classic story told generation after generation and passed down through one's children. It is full of drama and suspense, but also is a lighthearted romantic comedy with superheroes and space spiders.... okay... I have to confess that I actually didn't read Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten because the name of this book is so incredibly friggin' stupid that I couldn't bare to open it! Seriously... BINDERGARTEN! All you did was swapped the K for a B! Its not even a real word or phrase or name.
The setting: Who the hell knows? I didn't read the book, remember. I'll just take a wild guess and say a kindergarten classroom.
The characters: Well, Miss Bindergarten has to be a character. There is a dog and a some sort of hippo or dinosaur or something... there's a little alligator and possibly a woodchuck or some sort of beaver thing. Also, I see a parrot on the cover and some fish. That's it... I got nothing.
So how can I possibly review a book that I haven't read, you ask? Easy. I don't need to open a book and see its pages in order to render some sort of judgment about the book. I can use the exterior of the book as the primary means of formulating an opinion about the book. I believe there is some sort of age old saying about judging a book by its cover and how you should always do it, so here we go.
Bindergarten. Yes, you read that correctly. The authors of this book clearly took their sweet time coming up with this book and title. They took the word "kindergarten" and just swapped out the first letter until they came up with something that sounded like a real word. They were able to get to the letter that they needed for this story after going through all 1 letter that comes before B. Brilliant laziness. Forget for a moment that nobody on the face of the planet is named Bindergarten. Need proof? Here is the listing for a search of any phone numbers for anybody with the last name Bindergarten.
There aren't any. No match! Zero! Anyway, forget that for a moment. Couldn't they have come up with a different word that is actually a word to rhyme with kindergarten? I submit the following for your consideration.
Miss Linda Martin Gets Ready For Kindergarten
Miss Barton Gets Ready For Kindergarten
Miss Geddy Gets Ready (For Kindergarten)
Miss Alcibiades the Spartan Gets Ready For Kindergarten
And those are just the ones I rattled off while writing this review! If I gave more than 15 seconds of thought to this, I could probably have about a dozen other titles for this book, proving definitely that this author spent less than 15 seconds coming up with the title. As a result, Joseph Slate has earned a special place in the annals of Dads Read Upside Down by being the author of the worst titled book in the history of children's books. Congratulations Joseph. The title of this book is truly horrifying, but not quite as horrifying as this:
Miss Bindergarten Stays Home From Kindergarten
Miss Bindergarten Celebrates the 100th Day of Kindergarten
Miss Bindergarten Celebrates the Last Day of Kindergarten
Miss Bindergarten Has a Wild Day in Kindergarten
Miss Bindergarten Takes a Field Trip With Kindergarten
Miss Bindergarten Plays a Circus With Kindergarten
Miss Bindergarten's Craft Center
Apparently, Joe ran out of steam with that last one. Those are the actual titles of the sequels to this amazingly titled book.
In summation, I didn't actually read this book, so I have no idea what its about. I just couldn't get pass the title. However, because this is a book about the alphabet (or so I have been told), Lily gives it 5 out of 5 stars. You can pick up Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten at Amazon for $6.29, which is exactly $6 more than the amount of money Joseph Slate could have earned in the time he took to come up with the title of this book. Happy reading!
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